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Category: men jokes

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Funny Men Put Downs :- What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell. Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook - they eat. We clean - they dirty. We iron - they wrinkle. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.

#430
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Sep 1, 2010 07:39 PM - Men Jokes - by Liza

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A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"

#306
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Jun 7, 2010 12:08 PM - Men Jokes - by Freddie

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Two brothers jointly owned a business and both were wise in worldly ways. While dying, one brother instructed his sibling to put half of their combined wealth into the grave with the casket. The brother reluctantly agreed. In time his brother died. At the graveside ceremony the living brother wrote a check for half of their assets and placed it in the casket.

#296
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May 24, 2010 05:44 PM - Men Jokes - by Gideon

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My female friends complain about dating. My friend was like, 'I went out with this guy, and he wanted to sleep with me after five dates.' And I was like, 'No, he wanted to sleep with you after one date. He thought he might have a chance after five. He probably wanted to sleep with you after zero dates, but he thought a trip to Applebee's might grease the wheels a little.'

#290
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May 24, 2010 05:30 PM - Men Jokes - by Roberto

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The house was on fire. A woman appeared at an upstairs Window. she was clutching a baby and screaming, "my baby! my baby! save my baby!" "Throw the baby to me!" shouted a young man. "I'll catch him" "You might drop him."Shouted the woman. "I'm a professional footballer." Shouted the man. "I'm a goalkeeper. I'm very good at catching The baby will be safe with me." The woman threw down the baby to the young man who put all his professional expertise into operation, and he expertly caught the baby. Then, unthinkingly, kicked it over the garden wall.

#181
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Apr 8, 2010 09:38 AM - Men Jokes - by John

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One day an Air Force general and an Army general were driving down the same road. They crashed and got out of their cars. The Air Force general said, "This is a sign for the Air Force and the Army to finally unite!" The Army general went to his car and grabbed a bottle of liquor and took a long swig. "Let's celebrate!" he said and gave the bottle to the Air Force general. "No thanks. I'll just wait till the cops get here."

#171
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Apr 6, 2010 08:48 AM - Men Jokes - by Ryan

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Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."

#167
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Apr 5, 2010 09:24 AM - Men Jokes - by James

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A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities. A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee. "I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband. "What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!" "I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.

#159
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Apr 2, 2010 08:02 AM - Men Jokes - by Aiden

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